Just as I suspected...

 

Better Sex Tips

As it turns out, monogamy isn't synonymous with monotony after all. In fact, a recent study shows that the time American couples spend inside the bedroom – or outside, in some cases – may be more thrilling than pop culture is letting on. The survey of more than 3,000 American adults, conducted this summer by the experts at Goodinbed.com, in partnership with K-Y Brand, indicates that most couples are more than willing to get adventurous between the sheets.

The survey says...

Top activities reported by the respondents include:

• Using a lubricant during sex (80.1%)
• Talking "dirty" during foreplay/sex (68.9%)
• Incorporating a device (e.g. vibrator) into sex (61.3%)
• Taking a chance of being seen or overheard (e.g. at a friend's house) (60.7%)
• Sharing fantasies with one another (56.4%)

We asked Good in Bed founder Dr. Ian Kerner about his thoughts on the survey results and how best to spice things up in the bedroom.

Background

How do you switch up your sex routine? By trying different positions Dressing up in lingerie or sexy costumes Strip tease Playing sexy games before View Results

In a survey conducted earlier this summer, Kerner and the team at Good In Bed learned that nearly 50 percent of couples believe trying something new in the bedroom would help get them out of their sexy-time rut. With those results in mind, they wanted to know more about what this "something new" could be, which brought them to the new survey surrounding sexual adventurousness.
"We were intrigued to learn that many American couples not only engage in activities previously viewed as taboo, like talking dirty, incorporating a device and sharing fantasies just to name a few, but that the frequency of this behavior is linked to how satisfied the couples are in their relationship," Kramer says. He adds that one of the most surprising findings was that women are more sexually adventurous than men.

Move over monotony

The idea that married or monogamous sex is boring is a myth, Kerner says: "I think the greatest take away from this survey is that monogamy isn't monotonous at all." Relationships aren't easy, but if you put the effort into keeping passion alive, you'll have a lot more fun. And by the looks of the survey results, couples are indeed putting in that effort.
"It was interesting to learn the time committed couples spend inside the bedroom is more thrilling than pop culture lets on, which is definitely a good thing," he says. The study found that the longer you're in a committed, long-term relationship, the more likely you are to engage in a variety of sexually adventurous activities. And the saucier you become, the more likely you are to be sexually satisfied and content in your relationship. So turn off the lights (or not) and get started!

Spiced up sex

If you feel your relationship needs a nudge where sexual satisfaction is concerned, Kerner says the first thing you need to do is start talking. "It may seem intimidating to share your desires between the sheets, but as this survey proves, your partner is ready and willing to make them happen – not only for your benefit, but for the benefit of the relationship overall."
Turning up the spiciness can be as simple as keeping the lights on or frequenting a different room in the house. If you want to take it to the next level, try incorporating something new like lubricant or an arousal gel, or get things really going by talking dirty during foreplay. Oh, don't forget the fail safe – wearing sexy lingerie. But make sure it's something you feel comfortable and sexy in. Here's to having more fun in the bedroom!

More about sex & love

4 Things he wants you to do in bed5 Days to hotter sex5 Tips for a sexed up relationship

Artist Chris Johnson talks about his life and work

Artist Chris Johnson talks about his life and work

American Artist Chris Johnson: A glimpse into his life and work

The following is an article by Jennifer Coffman; my friend and brilliant writer...

American Artist Chris Johnson: A glimpse into his life and work

Outcome Attachment: It's A Killer

I recently received this comment/question from a reader: 

"I am wholeheartedly and crazily in love with my best friend. He is amazing, like no man I have ever met. He challenges me positively, cares about me, supports me, and teases me endlessly. We have fun together, and have the same twisted sense of humor. I honestly think we have the same heart and mind. I've always thought the idea of a soul mate was silly, but it seems as though it might fit in this scenario. He is always on my mind, I am unable to lie to him(not that I'd want to- I am just at ease being honest with him always), and I love who I am with him. We are very close, and my gut tells me he feels the same, but perhaps is waiting on me to get the gumption up to let my guard down or something. It's difficult for me to believe that I could feel this strongly for him if it isn't what he is feeling. Besides, he is so insanely intuitive about me my guess is he already knows. I truly think i could love this man unconditionally, actually, i already do. Recently I feel as if I should tell him all this and let the chips fall where they may. If I am wrong, at least I will know and can lick my wounds and go about my business. Even though I think he feels the same, I still have doubts. I am extremely bold in every aspect of my life, except when it comes to matters of the heart. If I am wrong, it could possibly harm our deep friendship. If I am right, I forsee a beautiful, beautiful life. Do I tell him? Because this limbo is driving me insane. I want everything from this man, and want to be everything for him as well."

In the immortal words of the Beastie Boys:

"Now I got the gun you got the brew
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you away or you can ride with me"

Essentially, there's only two things you can do. The first of which is to say nothing and enjoy a wonderful, lifelong friendship. The other is to cross your fingers and profess your love to your friend.

Why cross your fingers? Unless I am mistaken, it sounds as though this friendship has some time under its belt. If that's the case, then hopes for elevating said friendship any higher, at this stage, is statistically against you. It's not impossible, but once you're in the "friends file", there's usually no escape. Something to consider is why hasn't this guy "manned up" and come forward? Unless he lacks a set of-- unless he lacks confidence, I mean, why has he remained silent? Again, unless I'm off, I'm guessing this guy is not meek, otherwise, you wouldn't be attracted to him. Personally speaking, when I initially spend time with someone, I know within 15 minutes whether they are someone I only see as a friend or whether I see them as potentially more. If it's the latter, then I make my intentions clear so there's no question about the direction I wish to take the relationship.

Perhaps your guy is fresh from flunking out of monk school and hasn't quite made the social transitions? I don't know, but I'm leery. However, just because he doesn't conform to the way I do things doesn't make him damaged or hopeless. Another thing to remember is I don't know your likes and dislikes, and maybe you do get all goo-goo and weak in the knees for the reticent, bashful, silent type? Again, I don't know. But the one thing I do know is that somewhere deep down inside of you you already know what the outcome will be if you profess your love to him. Question is, does the benefit outweigh the cost(s)? Is what you have now with him worth losing if the outcome isn't to your liking? And at best, will you be able to adapt and accept just a friendship in the face of unrequited love?

Don't listen to me. Listen, instead, to your brain (not your heart) it will be a much better guide because it already has all the facts you need for the answer you seek. But if you want to know a fantastic way to sabotage the outcome? Be dependent on success. Attach everything to the success of your performance. Attachment to the outcome – staking your self-esteem on your performance – will, undoubtedly, do you in. So, whichever way you end up going, just remember to relax..expecting a certain result when it comes to matters of someone else's heart is unreliable to say the least.

Best of luck!

76 Interesting Facts About Love and the Pursuit of

A few things I stumbled upon and thought you may get a kick out of...

Dating and Relationships

1. Couples usually wait until six to eight dates before they are willing to enter into an exclusive relationship.^c
2. Speed dating, invented by a rabbi from Los Angeles in 1999, is based on a Jewish tradition of chaperoned gatherings of young Jewish singles.^a
3. The most common time for breakups is around three to five months.^c

A couple will exchange house keys on an average of 12-14 dates

4. On average, it takes between 12 to 14 dates before couples will trade house keys.^c
5. One in three teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship.^o
6. In a survey conducted by MSNBC.com and Elle magazine, more than 31% of men said they dumped an overweight partner compared to 12% of women.^l
7. Women who post a photo on Internet dating sites receive twice as many email messages as women who don’t. The same study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000.^d
8. Match.com reports that 44% of its members in the United States have children.^j
9. On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers.ⁿ
10. If a man can’t decide what to wear on a date, he might want to wear blue. Studies show that women are attracted to men in blue.^r
11. Ninety-two percent of single parents would rather date other single parents.^m
12. Thirty-three percent of online daters form a relationship, 33% do not, and 33% give up.^o
13. The online dating industry generates $1.8 billion per year and the matchmaker/dating coach business generates $260 million per year in the United States.ⁿ
14. The third week in September is National Singles Week in the U.S.^f
15. According to the U.S. census, there are 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women.^f
16. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that people were twice as likely to find a date through friends and family than through the bar scene.^m
17. Four out of 10 workplace dating relationships result in marriage.ⁱ

It only takes seconds to decide another person’s attractiveness

18. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania studied data from over 10,000 speed daters and found that most people make a decision regarding a person’s attraction within three seconds of meeting.^l
19. One Manhattan matchmaker’s price begins at $20,000. If a match (marriage) results, a marriage bonus is expected.^m
20. At 4M Multimillionaire Matchmaking Club based in Seattle, WA, clients are men who have made millions but are still single. The matchmaking service charges between $10,000 and $30,000 for men. Women pay around $250 to be listed as potential partners.^m
21. In the online dating world, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone “fat.” According to Ann Rule, about 3% of men are psychopaths, of which only a tiny percentage are serial killers.ⁱ
22. In a survey of 5,000 singles conducted by Match.com, 43% said fresh breath mattered the most before a date, 17% said stylish clothes, 15% said sexy fragrance, 14% said good skin, and 10% said great hair.^r
23. Typically, dating specialists suggest waiting until the third date to cook someone dinner at home.^m
24. Nearly 40% of men do not feel confident meeting a woman for the first time.^r
25. Immediately after Tiger Wood’s affairs became public, men looking for discreet relationships on BeNaughty.com dropped by 47.5%.^g
26. During the early twentieth century, dating evolved out of a courtship ritual where young women entertained male callers under the watch of a chaperone. By the 1960s and 1970s, “hooking up” increasingly replaced dating, mainly because the age at which people marry for the first time had begun creeping up.^p
27. Studies show that schools, colleges, coffee shops, and malls are all excellent places to flirt because people are more open to meeting others in these places. Poor locations are restaurants and movie theaters.^m
28. Studies show that before a man even speaks a word, the way he stands (whether he is slouching or not) counts for over 80% of woman’s first impression.^r

Happy people attract more dates

29. Studies show that happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people. One of the biggest turn-offs during a date is negativity.^m
30. Studies show that men are put off by groups of loud women. If a woman wants to get a date, she should break away from a loud group to give a man a chance to approach her.^q
31. Mirroring, or repeating someone’s body language, often impresses a date because it subtly conveys interest to the other person. One should avoid copying every move, however.^k
32. Body language studies show that revealing areas of the body that aren’t usually on display (such as the inner wrist, the inside of the upper arm, ankles, feet, inside calf muscle, and the nape of the neck) has an immediate effect on a date and shows an instant liking.^k
33. If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This shows attentiveness and connectiveness.^l
34. Studies show that remembering bits of information about a person and working them into conversations not only is highly flattering but also shows interest.ⁱ
35. Bad breath and bad teeth are an instant turn-off for potential dates. If deep dental cleaning doesn’t improve a person’s breath, he or she could have a stomach bacterium called H. pylori, which causes bad breath.^r
36. Research has confirmed that women are more attracted to men who wear pheromone-based colognes or aftershaves such as 10X. Studies have also shown that women, who have a stronger sense of smell than men, are particularly attracted to musk and black licorice smells.^r
37. Body type is important in attracting a date. Studies show that overweight individuals were perceived less favorably than thin or muscular people. Thin individuals were perceived as intelligent but fearful, and muscular individuals were perceived as being healthy, brave, and good looking.^r
38. Top ten turn-offs for women include cystic acne, raggedy nails, flatulence and belching, missing teeth, body odor, bad breath, hairy nostrils, “man boobs,” “goofy” glasses, and hair “mistakes.”^r
39. Depending on the type of women a man would like to meet, he should visit that type of clothing store. For example, if a man likes “outdoorsy” women, he should go to an outdoor clothing store.^l
40. When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.^r
41. If a group of women are standing together but their eyes are wandering, they are likely to be looking for guys. If they each take a turn to break away from the group to head to the bathroom alone, they are on the prowl. If they are huddled together giggling, they are usually not interested in finding men.^q

A woman will express interest in her date in several subtle ways

42. If a woman is interested in her date, she will often smile at his jokes, play with her hair, fidget with an object such as a glass, blush when he pays her a compliment, pout or pucker her mouth, stumble over words, or lean in towards him.^r
43. Signs that a woman is not interested in her date include avoiding eye contact, faking a smile or not smiling, leaning away, answering in monosyllables, sagging her shoulders, looking at her watch, tapping her foot, or staring blankly.^r
44. Beautiful women typically get more stares, winks, and harassment than average-looking women do, but they are also less likely to get asked out by average-looking men because those men tend to be intimated by them.^r
45. The appropriate time to call after meeting a man or woman is hotly debated among dating experts. Typically, the ideal time to wait to call is two to four days, though no longer than four to five days. Calling too soon can appear desperate.^l
46. Choosing exciting places for a first date increases the chances of the other person falling for you. There is a definitive link between danger and physical/romantic attraction.^k
47. Worst places to go on first date include fast-food restaurants, your kids’ birthday party or school play, your parents’ house, strip clubs, X-rated films or swingers parties, a party where your ex will be, church activities, or window shopping.^k
48. Dating specialists suggest that if a woman doesn’t return a call after two messages, she is not interested.^r
49. If a woman offers to pay for everything, chances are she isn’t that into the date. There’s an unspoken understanding that a man paying for everything is a form of “copulatory gift,” which is almost universal in all animal species.^r
50. Eye contact, or a “copulatory gaze,” is a primary and powerful tool for attracting a potential date for both men and women. However, the meaning of various types of eye contact differs from culture to culture.^l
51. Statistics show that trying to get a relationship to work with an ex doesn’t usually work. The case where it might work is if there were extenuating circumstances of the breakup, such as one of couple had been going through a family tragedy or moved.^l
52. In American society, when a man offers his date his palm face up, he is most likely deeply attracted to the woman. In fact, a human’s brain is wired to respond to hand gestures and hand shapes, though the brain’s response depends on the man or woman’s culture and ethnicity.^l
53. Research shows that men know they’re falling in love after just three dates, but women don’t fall in love until date 14.^c

An average couple will kiss on the second date

54. On average, daters will kiss on the second date.^c
55. A recent AOL survey says that 40% of women view an appropriate time frame to wait for sex as being one to three months, while 35% of men think the third date is fine. On average, couples have sex within about four to six dates.^h
56. Twenty-nine percent of Americans have had sex on the first date.^h
57. It is hard for a man to strike up a conversation if there are just two women at a social scene because he doesn’t want the other friend to feel abandoned. So a woman who is looking to attract a date should bring two “wing women” with her.^q
58. Talking to a bartender makes a woman seem more friendly and makes it easier for a guy to jump in on her conversation.^q
59. A woman can increase the likelihood of a man approaching her if she uncrosses her arms, makes subtle eye contact, and smiles.^q
60. Italian food is one of the most popular restaurants for a first date.^b
61. Twenty to 40 million Americans have used online dating services. Nearly 50% of online daters are aged 18-34 and 24% are 35-44.^e
62. On average, there are 86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in the U.S., though the actual numbers vary according to region.^f
63. New York and Washington have the most state residents who are unmarried, 50% and 70%, respectively. Idaho and Utah have the most state residents who are married, 60% and 59%.^f
64. Approximately 48% of online daters reported that their breakups occurred via email.^e
65. On Match.com, 132 million winks are sent out each year and members go out on a six million dates per year.^j
66. eHarmony.com boasts that 236 of its members marry each day, accounting for 2% of U.S. marriages.^d
67. “Desperate” daters are typically always available, are clingy, need constant relationship status updates, fish for compliments, drop their standards, and rationalize bad treatment.^r

Over half of all singles in America have not had a date in over two years

68. Over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more than two years.^o
69. Five types of women that men tend to avoid are serial flirters, someone who talks about marriage too soon, clingy women, the party-girl, and a woman who talks too much or is drama queen.^l
70. Four common date blunders include showing up late, talking about yourself too much, revealing too much about your ex, and an obvious over-eagerness.^l
71. A man’s top dating fears include that a woman will come between him and his friends, won’t allow him free time, will turn out to be a stalker, won’t respect him, or will be too high maintenance.^m
72. Five common signs a man may be cheating in a relationship are that he accuses his partner of cheating, he’s extremely vague, he seems to be compensating by acting extra nice for no reason, he’s always at work, and his partner's friends drop her hints.^l
73. The curve of the counter in a bar is designed so other customers can easily “check out” other customers. Bars also purposely place mirrors to help create a larger sense of place and to allow a person to scope out other people behind them.^q
74. Signs that a man is about to break up with a woman include that he spends less time with her, he is no longer romantic, passionate kissing turns into quick pecks (particularly no kiss during sex), he fantasizes about someone else during sex, he pats her during a hug, and he tries to start fights.^l
75. An attractive online “About Me” section in your online dating profile often includes a brief description of what you are passionate about or thankful for, a couple of things your friends say about you, qualities you are looking for in a potential partner, the first thing people notice about you (other than appearance), how you spend your leisure time, five things you can’t live without, and the latest good book you’ve read.ⁱ
76. Humans like mystery and “the chase,” so don't be too “available” to a date. Dating experts typically suggest not sleeping too early with a date because the longer the chase, the more likely love will blossom.

Choosing The Right Dog/Woman

Heads

Deciding what kind of dog to get is as important as deciding whether to get a dog in the first place. The AKC recognizes over 160 different breeds of dog, and each of these breeds has its own unique temperament, appearance, activity level and set of needs. You should do some serious and careful research to determine which breed of dog is right for you and/or your family. Here are some things to consider:


You're going to be living with this dog for a long time, so you need to make sure it has a personality you can live with. Do you want a dog that is active, or subdued? A dog that is easily trained, or strong-willed? A dog that is friendly to everyone it meets, or one that is loyal to family but aloof toward strangers? A dog that needs a lot of attention from family members, and lots of activity to prevent him from becoming bored and destructive, or a dog that is content to be left alone for periods of time during the day?

A very important fact to remember is that the breed of dog you pick doesn't ensure you a perfect fit. More importantly is the manner in which you portray yourself at the the time of the initial meeting and during the ensuing days as you and your pup or dog settle in. 

Tails

The same can also be said when preparing to procure a human mate/significant other. Special attention should be given to a potential mate insofar as her breeding, temperament, loyalty, level of amorousness, among other things, and above all, her capacity for commitment longevity--if that's your intended expectation. After all, if you've matured past the point of bar-hopping and clubbing, or perhaps desperately needing the validation of, or acceptance into certain social groups (ie. climbing the social ladder) isn't big on your list, then picking someone for whom these are big priorities probably wouldn't be the most prudent decision on your part...regardless of how good they look. Looks, although, important, should never be an absolute deterrent or a priority which resides at the top of your list (unless you're shallow, in which case, have at it).

Most of these things can be discerned within the first two meetings by simply being a good listener. Being a good listener, consequently, does not mean hearing what is being said without being caught checking out the ass of the person(s) walking by, nor does it mean formulating a witty or funny response to what is being said while it's being said. Thoughtfully listening to the words and the manner of their delivery is not only respectful, but it's also the only way you're going to learn the good stuff..the unsaid stuff. Paying close attention to the body language that accompanies the words will pay dividends in the long run; any gesture that attempts to cover or hide the face/mouth/eyes and/or if their eyes track up and to the left while speaking indicates that what is being said is either a version of the truth or a complete fabrication of it. If, however, you're not practiced in the art of deception detection, just trust your "gut" feeling. Just as in picking out a puppy, you are there for a reason and every effort should be given to getting at the core of the person across from you in order to ascertain whether they meet your criteria; not doing this justice will only serve to prolong a situation which is inevitably doomed.

Both Sides of the Coin

Either way, the decision you make will impact your future in a very big way, and as such, much respect should be given to the brevity of the task at hand. *By the way, choosing either a dog or a female partner (or male, depending on your gender or taste) out of a desire to ease the pain of losing your previous companion, or simply making a rash decision, is not only shortchanging your grieving process, but also incredibly apathetic and dishonest to the woman (or man) or dog you're attempting to acquire. In any event, do the necessary work prior to the day of the meeting so that you can give yourself and your new companion the best possible chance for a long, successful and happy partnership.

Best of luck..to both of you. And happy hunting!

Parodox of Choice

"In 2006, Nokia alone released 39 new mobile phone models. It would be
a very complicated task to effectively list all of all the mobile devices that could be used for mobile
commerce purposes."

There are 23 types of Pill (oral contraception) for women.

There are roughly 7849 vehicle manufactures globally who have already produced 23, 587, 484 vehicles this year (rolling out 1 completed vehicle every second).



Never before has humankind been confronted with such a staggering abundance of options and variety, of anything, ever. Did you know that the average U.S. grocery store devotes 5 1/2 feet by 12 feet of shelving space for toothpaste alone? If Earth is ever threatened by a hostile, superior alien race, all that's required to have them screaming back to their home planet faster than the speed of light would be to send them to your local grocery store with the following list of items to pick up: Toilet Paper, Tampons, Laundry Detergent, Cereal, Yogurt. B-bye, Klingons!

With such a vast array of options available in just about everything imaginable, the people alive today, by far, are the most happy and content generation since Adam & Eve. Or are we? Well, actually, happiness in the U.S. seems to have hit its peak in the mid 1950's and has been on a steady decline ever since. How is that possible? The reason is because how much we value things depends on what we compare them to. Some of you may recall a time when the phone company leased you (and everyone else) the same phone in one of two colors; they worked perfectly, were never misplaced or accidentally run through the washing machine, were virtually bomb proof, and no one ever gave them a second thought. But, when you are faced with lots of options, it's easy to imagine the attractive features of the alternatives you reject, which,  makes you less satisfied with the alternative that you have chosen. The cost of opportunity (cost of choice) subtracts from the satisfaction we get out of what we choose even when what we choose is terrific.

The fact of the matter is we have been conditioned to expect an endless variety of things at our fingertips that, for the most part, are purposefully manufactured to be dispensable; cheaper to replace than to repair. Sadly, the repercussions of our hyper-consumerism lifestyle has effected more than just the environment, our happiness, and our pocketbooks...it's leeched into our relationships. Don't believe me? What was the divorce rate/disengagement %'s for 2010 again? Think about that the next time you start craving a younger, newer model just because the one you currently have isn't running quite as perfectly as the day it rolled onto the showroom floor. Happy shopping, everyone!

Short And Oh So Sweet

I had planned on doing a entire post on how to recognize when it's time to say "uncle", however, I think this sums it up nicely.


Enough said..

Unfamiliar Territory, Knee Jerks and One Thing

NOTE: Apparently it is customary for blog authors to change the names of the innocent, or in this case the not so innocent, to protect their anonymity. I mention this because "Ted" would probably feel like an even bigger schmuck if his peers and the wider world knew his true identity and as such, for the remainder of this entry, "Ted" it is.

So, from the outset, I will tell you that I've known this guy Ted for a while now and all in all he seems to be a decent, responsible, level-headed guy who as a kid probably never stomped on any anthills or microwaved any cats. In short, I would feel comfortable leaving my kids in his care, that is, if I had kids. Like me, Ted is a bachelor by choice, but he isn't indifferent to finding someone he's compatible with. Ted is usually a cool cucumber when it comes to dating and is hard to read either way on the subject. Personally I think that's just because there's been little for him to be excited about. However, it seems Ted met someone, or was in the process of meeting someone, for whom he was audibly geeked and excited about getting to know. Fast forward to today...

Yeah, Ted's not so geeked anymore. Although the conversation I had with Ted was scattered and difficult to understand, I did manage to gather that he had made a date with someone and was obviously looking forward to it, but on the evening of his date he managed to fall asleep while waiting for the time to pass until he had to get ready and effectively slept right through it. He said he woke in a "you have got to be shi***** me!" panic and immediately contacted his date to apologize (I'm guessing more like begged for mercy!) and tried to convey to her how horrible he felt as this was completely out of character for him. I'm proud of Ted for telling her the truth because it would have been very easy to tell her his mom just drove off a cliff or he fell down a drainage shaft or something. I mean, who wants to hear that the reason you got stood-up was because they fell asleep on you?!

Again, Ted's a decent guy so I feel for him and I hope he can sort things out with said girl. Whether he does or doesn't is another story, but the fact that he found himself in unfamiliar territory got me thinking what would I do if I were in his shoes, or for that matter, her shoes even. I'm sure I'd probably do some heavy grovelling too if I were him, but the flip side is not so easy to reconnoiter. What would I do? I guess my knee-jerk answer would be to put them in the past and move on. Of course, it's no secret that I'm a softy, so if a no-show was immediately followed up by a sincere, genuine apology and a strong desire to provide restitution, I'm fairly certain I'd fold like a lawn chair. Besides, I believe a person gains more, becomes more through absolution than they do through condemnation.

I guess, with a birthday looming, I'm officially getting old and I thought that was a bad thing. However, more and more I'm finding that age and wisdom far outweigh the exuberance and agility of youth. In fact, I think I'm going to like it here in middle age. So Ted, God bless your heart, thank you for your screw-up because it provided me with a window into my ever evolving self and a chance to add humility and absolution to my personal repertoire.

Side Note: (but relevant) I have music playing in the background and despite the fact that I do not believe anyone really knows what the hell Finger Eleven is talking about in their song, "One Thing", maybe it was deliberately vague, not unlike some forms of art, so that you can imply your own adjective or situation and gain an ah-ha from it. Or, conversely, maybe the band just got incredibly stoned and wrote down a bunch of nonsense and idiots like me give them Buddha-like credit for nothing. Either way, thanks to Ted and his train wreck and the ensuing introspection, I do believe the song is more poignant than ever and has duly been added below for Ted and his date. You kids enjoy...

Sometimes Not

PART I:

I'm an artist and as you may or may not know, art can be a messy endeavor. I've subsisted on old work clothes as my art duds for years now, but jeans only last through so many wash and dry cycles before they no longer have the will to go on as viable clothing. So, I bought myself a pair of denim bib-overalls. I've never had a more versatile piece of clothing in my life! I love these things. However, not ever owning a pair before, I didn't realize having the straps a bit too tight would cause my nipples to be rubbed raw..ouch. Solution: apply two knuckle band aids (hourglass shape) and voila! Problem solved.

 PART 2:

I had a date later that night so I did a quick cleaning of the house, ran some errands and came home to get ready. I laid out my clothes, removed the protective band aids from my chest and jumped in the shower. Call me a girl if you wish, but I have a habit of applying lotion, head to toe, after I shower. I finished my lotion ritual and looked into the mirror as I started to brush my teeth and...HOLY SHIT!!! (it's probably a good idea to interject at this point the fact that earlier in the day I had spent 20 minutes in a tanning bed) I was staring at my reflection and I now possessed semi permanent, hourglass shaped nipple cones/cups! Reeeeal smooth, Jackass!

Moral of the story: Sometimes only PB & J go together like PB&J.