I recently received this comment/question from a reader:
"I am wholeheartedly and crazily in love with my best friend. He is amazing, like no man I have ever met. He challenges me positively, cares about me, supports me, and teases me endlessly. We have fun together, and have the same twisted sense of humor. I honestly think we have the same heart and mind. I've always thought the idea of a soul mate was silly, but it seems as though it might fit in this scenario. He is always on my mind, I am unable to lie to him(not that I'd want to- I am just at ease being honest with him always), and I love who I am with him. We are very close, and my gut tells me he feels the same, but perhaps is waiting on me to get the gumption up to let my guard down or something. It's difficult for me to believe that I could feel this strongly for him if it isn't what he is feeling. Besides, he is so insanely intuitive about me my guess is he already knows. I truly think i could love this man unconditionally, actually, i already do. Recently I feel as if I should tell him all this and let the chips fall where they may. If I am wrong, at least I will know and can lick my wounds and go about my business. Even though I think he feels the same, I still have doubts. I am extremely bold in every aspect of my life, except when it comes to matters of the heart. If I am wrong, it could possibly harm our deep friendship. If I am right, I forsee a beautiful, beautiful life. Do I tell him? Because this limbo is driving me insane. I want everything from this man, and want to be everything for him as well."In the immortal words of the Beastie Boys:
"Now I got the gun you got the brew
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you away or you can ride with me"
Essentially, there's only two things you can do. The first of which is to say nothing and enjoy a wonderful, lifelong friendship. The other is to cross your fingers and profess your love to your friend.
Why cross your fingers? Unless I am mistaken, it sounds as though this friendship has some time under its belt. If that's the case, then hopes for elevating said friendship any higher, at this stage, is statistically against you. It's not impossible, but once you're in the "friends file", there's usually no escape. Something to consider is why hasn't this guy "manned up" and come forward? Unless he lacks a set of-- unless he lacks confidence, I mean, why has he remained silent? Again, unless I'm off, I'm guessing this guy is not meek, otherwise, you wouldn't be attracted to him. Personally speaking, when I initially spend time with someone, I know within 15 minutes whether they are someone I only see as a friend or whether I see them as potentially more. If it's the latter, then I make my intentions clear so there's no question about the direction I wish to take the relationship.
Perhaps your guy is fresh from flunking out of monk school and hasn't quite made the social transitions? I don't know, but I'm leery. However, just because he doesn't conform to the way I do things doesn't make him damaged or hopeless. Another thing to remember is I don't know your likes and dislikes, and maybe you do get all goo-goo and weak in the knees for the reticent, bashful, silent type? Again, I don't know. But the one thing I do know is that somewhere deep down inside of you you already know what the outcome will be if you profess your love to him. Question is, does the benefit outweigh the cost(s)? Is what you have now with him worth losing if the outcome isn't to your liking? And at best, will you be able to adapt and accept just a friendship in the face of unrequited love?
Don't listen to me. Listen, instead, to your brain (not your heart) it will be a much better guide because it already has all the facts you need for the answer you seek. But if you want to know a fantastic way to sabotage the outcome? Be dependent on success. Attach everything to the success of your performance. Attachment to the outcome – staking your self-esteem on your performance – will, undoubtedly, do you in. So, whichever way you end up going, just remember to relax..expecting a certain result when it comes to matters of someone else's heart is unreliable to say the least.
Best of luck!
