I was very happy to hear the success the majority of you had with the last exercise and how it's turned things around. I've advocated all along that giving up is the last thing you should consider. You have no idea the rewards that await you, your significant other, and your family when you walk through fire and come out the other side..together! Keep it up and I'll continue to post ideas to further strengthen your renewed commitment. However, this post is addressing the few of you who experienced no change in your significant other at the end of the exercise.
As a dear friend once said, "love is fickle". Without a commitment, it can turn on a dime. The ideal situation is even at the worst of times, you have two people working together to fan the flames and build each other up. There will be ups and downs and times when the effort is unbalanced due to personal experiences in life, but for the most part, you should feel as if there is an equality of effort.
When to leave..say goodbye..throw in the towel
I truly believe the loss of a love is the hardest thing one can ever experience. What's worse, coming to the realization that the enormous effort you exerted to revive the love was in vein. In a word, it's crushing. So, just shy of coming home to an empty house, how do you know when it's time to walk away?
Saying goodbye has never been easy for anyone. If you have shared a good part of your life with a special someone, cutting her/them off completely from your life would be a far cry from the heavenly bliss you experienced when the two of you first got together. However, as much as you want to envision sharing the rest of your life with them, you know deep inside that things are just not meant to be. Yet, despite that nagging feeling, you are still confused. Should you end it or not?
The confusion is a madness that has engulfed you completely and preoccupied your thoughts for days on end. Helplessly, you feel your spirits sinking whenever thoughts of her/him and your relationship cross your mind. Feeling depressed, confused, and dispirited..you drag yourself from each day to the next, barely unable to experience life as you should because your mind has been so out of it lately.
For me, it was when I realized my significant other was not emotionally available to commit; the more I invested, the less she put in. Another obvious indicator might be that while you're supposed to be fully committed, they seem to "phone in their effort". Do they act or say one thing face to face, but then do the opposite with others or on their social sites (facebook)? When you've busted your ass trying everything possible to make the best of things for an extended time, and the best you get in return is cheap silverware and potpourri (a few trinkets instead of true effort), then it's time to call it quits.
Everyone deserves to be happy, be respected, acknowledged, validated, and to be loved. Yes, even YOU! There is only so much effort/yourself you can give without reciprocation before you have to tell yourself you deserve much better. I'm sorry this last exercise revealed to you the true negative person in your significant other, but at least you know. Now, it's time for you to do what you know you have to do..say goodbye. It will be the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do, but believe me, it will open yourself up to something much better.
I have a personal checklist of constructive things to do to occupy yourself after the breakup, ways to better yourself, figure out what went wrong, correct these issues, and successfully move on. Email me if you're interested.
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